Have you ever had days where you literally wonder if you have multiple personalities? I have! Grant it, it’s been a long time, but I was thinking about it as I was reviewing some past notes I’d written. I don’t want to make light of situations in which individuals have actually been diagnosed with multiple personality disorder. That is totally not where I’m coming from with this post.
The truth is, for me, I think the notion came from the fact that for a very long time, I struggled with the person I wanted to be, the person I felt deep inside, I knew that I was or could be. Then there was the me that was trapped by thoughts and feelings of anxiety and depression. The feeling of sometimes having multiple personalities on occasion, I now believe, came from the inner struggle of the two identities. Really though, there weren’t two identities but rather two sets of thoughts.
Oftentimes our thoughts are influenced by people and situations around us. We react to other opinions, the things we see in the media, and the situations we encounter. When we react or attach specific meaning to these things, we develop a set of thoughts.
For me personally, I always felt bound by thoughts of worthlessness, anxiousness, and depression. A part of me was waiting to emerge, though, wanting to flourish, love myself, succeed, and be happy. I am happy to say that I’ve become victorious in escaping that trapped feeling. It is wondrous.
I still work daily, though, monitoring my thoughts and working to eradicate any old mindsets that still linger. I feel whole now, so any notion of having multiple personalities is gone. Not that I ever fully entertained the idea, but still, fleeting thoughts could be unnerving.
In any case, if you’ve ever had the idea that you were two different people, then maybe the real you are just trapped under a barrage of thoughts and ideas that really aren’t your own if that makes any sense.