“Like flowers ache for spring, my heart craves my mother more than anything.”
My beautiful Mother – I loved my mom so very much! I always saw her as someone who needed to be protected. Looking back, I wish I had known her better. She was always my mom but never really my friend. I wish that I had talked to her more often about her childhood, hopes, and dreams.
Wanting to Protect Her
Instead of getting to know her, I felt more like I just needed to protect her. Deep down, I don't really know if she was ever happy. The only relationships I ever remember her being in were with my dad and my stepfather. Both were verbally abusive. I’m not sure why she chose either. My best guess is that she had deep-rooted feelings that did not allow her to believe she deserved better.
My mother was beautiful and kind. She was naïve, though, or at least that was always the impression I had of her. I hate to say that, but it was hard to have conversations with her on a deep level as I got older.
I wish so much she was still here and that we could be friends and mother and daughter. We were close! As I was the oldest child, I always wanted to protect her, but the truth is, I was broken and didn't know-how. At the time, I couldn't even protect myself. My mother passed away in 2007. I remember the exact moment I received the call that she was in the hospital. I was in the frozen foods section of Walmart when my phone rang.
My sister informed me that our mom had a heart attack and was in the hospital on life support. I don’t remember much about the rest of that day, but it was a few weeks later that she passed away.
I talk more about my mom in my book, which will be published later this year, but I was thinking about her today, so I thought I'd write a quick post.